How to Understand Someone With Chronic Pain
Chronic pain is a condition that lasts for three months or more and continues after the injury or condition is treated. The experience of acute pain is the nervous system’s natural response to possible injury.
With chronic pain, however, pain signals continue abnormally. This can be both distressing and exhausting for chronic pain sufferers. In some cases of chronic pain, there was an injury, illness or infection that first caused the pain.
In other people, though, chronic pain appears and continues without a history of these events.To understand chronic pain sufferers, you should learn about chronic pain, be supportive and know what to say and what not to.
Each chronic pain sufferer’s experience is unique. It may be helpful if they talk about the condition and their daily battle with pain. The more you know about what the chronic pain sufferer is going through, the more you will be able to understand what it’s like for them.
- Did they suffer from a sprained back, serious infection or is there an ongoing cause of pain such as arthritis, diabetic neuropathy, or some other form of nerve damage? Know when the pain started, and do some research or read stories about people with similar issues.
- Sometimes doctors cannot find the source of the pain. It’s just present.
- Don’t push a chronic pain sufferer to talk about things they don’t want to. For some people, bringing it up will just make them feel worse.
- Common chronic pain complaints include headache, low back pain, arthritis pain, pain from damage to the peripheral nerves or the central nervous system or pain without any known source.
- A person can have more than one co-existing chronic pain condition, such as chronic fatigue syndrome, endometriosis, sciatica, peripheral neuropathy, or inflammatory bowel disease, or depression.
- Accept that words may be inadequate to describe how the sufferer is feeling. Recall a time when you experienced a lot of pain and imagine that pain being present twenty-four hours a day every day without relief for the rest of your life. It’s hard to find the words for that sort of pain
- Do not assume the chronic pain sufferer is not experiencing pain if they say they are fine. Many sufferers attempt to hide the pain due to a lack of understanding in others.
- When asked about their pain level, chronic pain sufferers may not give you their actual level of pain. Because their pain is chronic, they are used to a certain level of pain and may just accept that as normal or no pain. They may only give you a correct pain level when they have some form of acute pain, when the “normal” level of pain that they live with daily changes, when they experience pain that now feels differently (I.e., “shooting” instead of “aching”, ” burning” instead of throbbing”), or when they are asked directly about their current levels of both acute and chronic pain.
When you have the flu, you probably feel miserable for a few days or weeks but do the best you can to function. Chronic pain sufferers have probably been feeling awful for a long time. They may have adopted coping mechanisms that conceal the real level of pain they feel or they may not have the strength to function normally.
Chronic pain may cause secondary Depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?). Depression may be due directly to chronic pain, and chronic pain may be directly due to depression.
- Depression can cause some people to show less emotion, which can mask the pain because the sufferer ceases to make it known.Always be on the lookout for signs of depression, and do not confuse this with there being any less pain.
- Depression may also cause people to show more emotion (crying and tearful, anxious, irritable, sad, lonely, hopelessness, fear of the future, easily agitated, angry, frustrated, hyper/over talkative due to medications/need to vent/lack of sleep). This, like their pain level, can vary day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.
- One of the worst things you can do is abandon someone with chronic pain. That just gives them one more reason to be depressed, feel lonely and not be very positive. Try to be there for them and show them support however you can.
With many diseases, a person will exhibit obvious signs of conditions, such as fever or broken bones. With chronic pain, however, there is no way to tell what a person’s ability to cope with movement is like at any given moment. You can’t always read it on their face or in their body language either.
- The sufferer may not know, from day-to-day, how they are going to feel when they wake up. Each day has to be taken as it comes. This can be confusing for everyone but is very frustrating for the sufferer.
- Being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn’t mean that the sufferer can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because the person managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn’t imply that they will be able to do the same today.
- Movement is not the only limitation that chronic pain sufferers may experience. One’s ability to sit,walk, concentrate and be sociable can also be affected.
- Be very understanding if the chronic pain sufferer says they have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed or take these pills right now. It probably means that they have no choice and can’t put it off just because they happen to be somewhere or are in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not wait for anyone.
- Grimacing, restlessness, irritability, mood swings, wringing of hands, moaning, sleep disturbance, teeth grinding, poor concentration, decreased activity and perhaps even writing down suicidal thoughts or language can indicate distress or pain. Be sensitive to what they are going through.
Know that chronic pain is real. You might think that chronic pain sufferers go to doctors because they seek attention, enjoy it or are hypochondriacs. What they are actually doing is looking for something to improve the quality of their life, and often they are looking for the cause of their pain if it is not known. No one wants to feel the way they do but they don’t have a choice
Recognize what you can’t know. Pain is a difficult thing to describe to another person. It is felt personally and is based in both psychological and physical parts of us. Even if you are very empathetic, never assume that you know exactly how it feels for that person. Sure, you know how it feels for you but each of us is different, and it’s impossible to get inside a person’s skin and feel their pain.
Practice empathy. Being empathetic means you attempt to understand another person’s feelings, perspectives and behavior by seeing the world through their eyes. You use this understanding to guide what you do for and say to that person. People with chronic pain are different than you in some ways but are also very much like you, so focus on what you have in common and try to understand the differences.
- Being sick does not mean that the sufferer is no longer a human being. Though chronic pain sufferers spend the majority of their day in considerable pain, they still want the same things that healthy people want. They too want to enjoy work, family, friends and leisure activities.
- The chronic pain sufferer may feel as if they are stuck inside a body in which they have little or no control. Pain puts everything you used to enjoy out of reach and can contribute to feelings of helplessness, sadness and depression.
- Try to remember how lucky you are to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do. Then imagine if you couldn’t.
Respect that the person in pain is trying their best. They may attempt to cope, sound happy and look normal as often as they can. They live their lives to the best of their ability. Keep in mind that when the chronic pain sufferer says they are in pain – they are!
One of the best things that you can do for a chronic pain sufferer is to listen to them. To be a good listener, pay attention and try to understand what is going on inside of that person so that you can grasp how they are feeling and what they really need.
- Make it clear that you want to hear what they have to say. Many people with chronic pain feel that others won’t believe them or will ridicule them for being weak.
- Try to decode what they’re hiding or minimizing through body language and tone of voice.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Sharing means you both give something. To create a strong empathetic bond and really make your exchange matter, you will need to reveal your true feelings, beliefs and experiences as well.
- Read how to be a good listener for more details check out this <BOOK>.
If you find yourself being impatient and wanting the sufferer to “just get on with it”, you risk laying a guilt trip on the person who is suffering from pain and undermining their determination to cope. They probably want to comply with your requests to do things but don’t have the strength or coping capacity as a result of the pain.
- Don’t be put off if the chronic pain sufferer seems touchy. They have been going through a lot. Chronic pain wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. These people do their best to cope with how exhausting and exasperating the pain is but can’t always be ok. Try to accept them as they are.
- A chronic pain sufferer may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally.
The chronic pain sufferer depends a great deal on people who are not sick to support them at home or visit them when they’re too sick to go out. Sometimes they need help with bathing, dressing, personal cares, etc. They may need help getting to the doctor. You can be their link to the “normality” of life and help them keep in touch with the parts of life that they miss and desperately want to undertake again.
- Many people offer to help but really aren’t there when asked to be. If you offer to help, make sure you follow through. The person with chronic pain that you care about is depending on you.
If you are living with a chronic pain sufferer or supporting such a person on a regular basis, you need to maintain balance in your own life. If you don’t take care of your own needs, health and work-life balance, being around the chronic pain sufferer can really bring you down. Avoid suffering from carer burn-out by getting other people to help and taking time out. Care for this person as much as you’re able but remember to also care for yourself.
Although the person with chronic pain has changed, they think the same. Remember who they are and the things they did before the pain became so bad. They are still the intelligent mind that made a good living at a job they may have loved and had no choice but to give up. Be kind, thoughtful and don’t patronize them.
- Punishing an ill person for not following through with something will make them feel worse and show them that you really don’t understand. Those experiencing chronic pain already deal with more than most could ever comprehend. Try to understand why they couldn’t follow through.
- Just because someone cannot do certain activities very often or has cancelled before does not mean that you shouldn’t ask them to join you or should hide that you have plans from them. There may be some days when that activity is manageable, and chronic pain is isolating enough! Please understand and keep asking.
- Instead of suggesting how sufferers can fix their pain, consider being empathetic and giving them a gentle hug to let them know you’re there to support them. They already hear and see endless doctors who tell them how to fix or help their chronic pain.
- Sometimes just laying your hand on the shoulder of someone can help give them comfort. Remember to be gentle. Use a soft touch, something to help them connect.